Troubles

So despite my self assurances at the ease of writing genre fiction, editing did not go well last night. I've concluded two major reasons for this.

Firstly is the technical reason. I don't know how advanced I should make the language in the novel. I know I shouldn't patronize the reader, but I don't want to bore them either. Finding that balance is difficult.

The second is entirely based on my own snobbery. I'd feel like a complete sellout writing trashy fiction, when really I'm not interested in it. Possible rationalisations include:

• I could lit the story up - make it proper high fantasy and challenge the teenage reader.
• I'm encouraging young people to start reading.
• Everyone needs money - we live in a commercialised society.

Unfortunately, none of these seem to circumvent my ego. I couldn't stand getting lumped in with Stephanie Meyer, rewarded for sub-par writing. And while my writing already is better than SMeyer's obvious first draft (I hope it's a first draft - if that was edited, someone needs to be fired), it wouldn't be my best writing. My integrity won't allow that. I don't think I could proudly own a teen fantasy novel. Not that there's anything wrong with the genre. I'm just not a part of it. I don't want to be. And while I could publish it under a pseudonym, I'd still have to acknowledge that I sold out.

I'm not going to delete what I have already in the story, but I don't think I can work on it until I've figured out this internal dilemma. It's strange though, that I don't have these qualms about children's writing. I could very happily say to anyone that I wrote a fantasy picture book for children. Maybe it's just the degeneration in the quality of teen fiction lately that puts me off it. SMeyer and Paolini have really pulled the bar down. Even being a leader of quality in the field would be like winning a drag race against a wheelbarrow. A token victory at best.

Maybe I should pull out my poetry skills and work on my children's book today for an hour or two, then get back to the uni project. There's no point in working on something I'm resisting so heavily.